Trauma happens to all of us. It happened to my hip recently when I fell down a few stairs and my body bruised. It happened a few months ago when I received death threats for bringing a yoga class for people of color to Rainier Beach Yoga. Read this article I wrote about it here.

Trauma can be big or small. It can happen to the body or the mind. It can last for a relatively short period of time or for years, but it happens to us all.

Navigating the last few months has been a dive into the inner workings of trauma, and it has included anger, fear, isolation, hypervigilance, paranoia and exhaustion. In the body it included pain in my left shoulder, neck and jaw tension and feeling physically overwhelmed.

As with anything I met this trauma with my yoga and meditation practice. The practice of mindfulness helped me get outside of circular thinking that can keep me trapped. When I was aware I was stuck in thinking that was exacerbating fear I would look around me and see what else was happening. I enjoyed looking at trees and nature as an anchor for myself when I felt I was leaving the moment through thinking about the trauma that was over or the “what if…” questions about the future.

During the acute phase of the trauma I was not practicing the physical poses of yoga, the asanas, but I did receive physical touch through cranial sacral therapy, massage and somatics bodywork. This safe and compassionate touch helped me reground into my body and allowed my body to release some of what it was holding onto. Baths and naps were also important parts of my physical self-care.

Mentally, I relied on guided yoga nidra meditations that focused on calming the nervous system because when I came to my cushion on my own my mind would start spinning. When I listened to a meditation I was able to have more focus, and this was another anchor for me to rely on.

On Friday, March 11 I am looking forward to offering the next monthly 2-hour workshop on yoga therapy for a particular challenge. This month’s focus will be trauma.

If you feel overwhelmed by the effects of trauma, are having a hard time quieting the body or mind or want support with the fear, anger and isolation that can come with healing from trauma go here to learn more and register for the Friday, March 11 workshop (or look ahead at other topics we will cover in the next few months). If the workshop does not work for you or you want support for your individual and unique experience contact me for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation to see if yoga therapy may be a good fit for you.

With love and compassion,
Laura

Dear yoga community,

Grief is commonly thought of when we lose someone to death, but death is just one way we can experience it.

Grief can come in any form of loss. We can grieve the loss of a relationship, the loss of an identity, the loss of a home or loss of a dream. Any change can bring loss and grief with it.

I remember when I was training for a marathon several years ago, and I became very attached to the identity of “runner.” I did not realize how attached I became to that identity until I injured my Achilles tendons. When my physical therapist told me I should not run, I fell into despair. At least temporarily my identity of runner and my dream of completing a marathon shifted. I felt depressed, sad and angry. I judged myself for training too much. I judged my body for not being strong enough. I continued to train, but I walked instead of ran. When I saw another person running I felt jealousy.

I had to grieve the experience I thought I was going to have, and that allowed me to create space to have the marathon experience that I was going to have. That year it meant that I was not going to finish a marathon.

Yoga was one of the things that helped me through this. With grief, I believe one of the hardest things to do and one of the most powerful things to do is allow it to be there and unfold in whatever way it needs to happen. When I walked past a runner I allowed myself to feel the sensations of jealousy. Under the jealousy was anger. Under the anger was sadness.

I also know through my yoga and meditation practice that no sensation or feeling will last forever. As I was feeling my grief I was also aware that this was an impermanent state of being, just like the injury to my Achilles. And yet some grief can last for the rest of our lives. The marathon example I shared is one of the smaller griefs I experienced in my life so far. The death of my grandmother happened 24 years ago, and there are still moments of loss I feel, and I believe there always will be. There are times that I am sad that she could not be present for an experience (like crossing the finish line of the marathon a year later), but even that grief has shifted immensely in 24 years. I will always miss my grandmother, and my grief now feels more like a tenderness than a piercing heartache.

bell hooks says, “Accepting death with love means we embrace the reality of the unexpected, of experiences over which we have no control. Love empowers us to surrender.”

My yoga practice teaches me over and over to surrender, and love, compassion and empathy are the tools of yoga that give me the courage and strength to allow myself to surrender.

On February 19 I am looking forward to offering the next monthly 2-hour workshop on yoga therapy for a particular challenge. This month’s focus will be grief.

If you feel the heaviness of grief in your chest and the weight of it is pulling you down consider coming to this workshop utilizing the tools of yoga to work with the body, mind and heart experience of grief. Go here to learn more and register for the Friday, February 19 workshop (or look ahead at other topics we will cover in the next few months). If the workshop does not work for you or you want support for your individual and unique experience contact me for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation to see if yoga therapy may be a good fit for you.

With love and compassion,
Laura

Dear yoga community,

I have experienced depression on and off since I was a teenager, and these last few months pulled me back into the darkness of depression, hopelessness, apathy and lethargy again.

I have been teaching on yoga and depression for several years now, and I remember telling students yoga has not made the experience of depression go away. Yoga has changed my relationship to depression though, and I am reminded of my words as I navigate this struggle again.

This time as I met the depression, which is very different than my old pattern of fighting it, I allowed myself to do less. I let myself sleep more and do less cooking. I took more naps and more baths. My yoga practice was more savasana (corpse pose) than any other asana. My meditation was about getting to know the sensations of depression instead of being caught up in the thoughts (i.e. when is this going to stop? Am I ever going to feel like myself again? I have to do more.). The sensations were heavy, foggy and curled up in a tight ball. I cried more and asked for support more.

As I emerge from this dark place, I am again reminded of the power of my practice. Yoga and meditation did not make the depression go away, but it did help me navigate it with kindness, acceptance and awareness. My practice helped me ride the wave until the wave changed. The wave is changing now. I am not sleeping as much. I am motivated to do things I love (i.e. movement, writing newsletters, creating workshops, playing with my dog, etc.), and the sensations in my body feel lighter, more expansive and energized.

As the lightness returns to my body and mind I am moved to share with others the power of yoga and meditation for depression and other challenges we face as human beings. I am looking forward to offering monthly 2-hour workshops on yoga therapy for a particular challenge. This month’s focus will be depression.

If you feel the darkness of depression is taking ahold in your life this might be the perfect way to spend a Friday evening.Go here to learn more and register for the Friday, January 22 workshop (or look ahead at other topics we will cover in the next few months). If the workshop does not work for you or you want support for your individual and unique experience contact me for a complimentary 20-minute phone consultation to see if yoga therapy may be a good fit for you.

I bow to the light and darkness that resides in all of us,
Laura

I am going to be honest. I have been writing every day, but when I think about sending it out it feels too vulnerable. So instead of continuing to put off sending you this message I am going to come from my heart.

I have a lot of say, but I have not found the right words to say it yet. Or I have not found the courage to make those words public yet as I continue to process and integrate in a more private way.

I am looking forward to some time in the Grand Canyon later this month, to eating my mom’s food and resting and spending time with friends and family. Please note we will be closed from December 18-January 4.

I am also excited for what is coming in 2016! Stay tuned for workshops on social justice, monthly discussions on the intersection between yoga and social and racial justice and a new series class at Rainier Beach Yoga!

I look forward to seeing you on or off the mat.

Love,
Laura