It feels strange to say this, but when people ask me how I’m doing my honest answer is great. I feel I should whisper it, or downplay it, or even lie. I have thriver’s guilt at times! When Lama Rod Owens came to many of us in our homes at the beginning of quarantine I remember him saying now, in the apocalypse, is the time to hold your practice dearly, and that is exactly what I am doing.
2 years ago during this auspicious time, Navaratri (or Nine Nights of the Goddess), I met my teacher, Kavitha Chinnaiyan, for the first time. I have been incredibly fortunate to have wonderful teachers throughout my life, but for 6 years I was searching for a teacher I could have a 1:1 relationship with, where she could know me intimately and guide me in my unique (and not so unique!) life circumstances. In that first year I reached out to her in times of despair and turbulence. In her incredibly busy life (she is a fulltime cardiologist, a mother of 2 and a Tantric teacher on top of her own spiritual practice) she responded with guidance and patience. Last year at this time I was in India with her while also beginning a 6-month immersion for women.
The 3 days in the middle of Navaratri (which starts today) are dedicated to Lakshmi, the Goddess of abundance, sustenance, prosperity, and beauty. Gratitude is one of the practices that can be a form of devotion to Lakshmi.
As I reflect on the last 2 years I have studied with Kavithaji I offer my gratitude. You have challenged me like no one ever has and through those challenges I have grown in ways I did not think possible. You have patiently held my hand when I was scared, tantruming, angry, confused, intellectualizing, and overall just not getting it. You have repeated yourself hundreds of times until I got it. You have taught me how to be a student, and I did not even know I needed to learn that! You have taught me to be more present and embodied. You have shown me the areas of my life that are leading me to more ignorance and challenged me to change course. My life has transformed in 2 years, and I lay that all at your feet with humility and love. I can only imagine what the next two years will bring, and I am grateful for every moment I have in your presence.
Here is an offering from my teacher for Navaratri:
May Her rasa drip down to our cells and bones.
May Her beauty become our lens of perception.
May her Siva bhakti become our way of being.
May Her countenance haunt our dreams forever.
Sri Matre Namah!
What practices are you holding dear right now? Who are the teachers you can turn to when you feel lost, angry, confused or despairing?
If you don’t have a current practice what intrigues you? Is it lovingkindness? Mindfulness? Yoga? Prayer? Singing? As we go into the darker months what is a practice you can commit to? Who can you go to when you get stuck? Teachers can be those people who are formally in a teacher role, but can also be friends, family, therapists, loved ones or pets.
In practice, connection and gratitude,