For many years, I set New Year’s resolutions that fizzled out within two weeks. They were rooted in shame, aimed at “fixing” something I thought was wrong with me, or trying to prove my worth. Unsurprisingly, this wasn’t a recipe for meaningful change, but I didn’t know another way.
As I deepened my understanding of the nervous system, studied loving-kindness, and absorbed the teachings of Yoga, Vedanta, meditation, Tantra and wise teachers, I began to see things differently. If our nature is truly inherently divine and perfect, which is what the texts and my teachers tell me, how can I approach change from this perspective and understanding?
Over a decade ago, I started a new tradition. Instead of setting resolutions born out of lack, I began setting intentions born out of genuine desire.
At the time, I wanted to cook more. I craved a deeper connection with the food I ate, wanted to know where it came from, and desired to learn how to prepare it. This intention arose after trading a session with a farmer for a box of fresh veggies she had grown. I didn’t want to waste the fruits of her labor, yet I barely knew how to cook—and frankly, I didn’t enjoy it. That box of vegetables sparked something in me.
I cooked everything in that box and discovered I actually enjoyed the process. That New Year, I decided I would cook once a month. It might not sound like much, but for someone who rarely cooked, this was a significant step.
Had I resolved to cook three times a week—or even once a week—my nervous system would have gone into overdrive, fighting to meet an unsustainable goal. Eventually, I would have burned out, given up, and reinforced the false belief that I wasn’t capable of change.
Cooking once a month felt doable. My nervous system stayed calm, and I even looked forward to planning my monthly meal. By focusing on fun and desire rather than pressure, I began cooking more frequently. By the end of that year, I was cooking more often than not.
Now, over ten years later, I prefer my own cooking to most meals I eat out. When I travel, I look forward to returning home to my kitchen. Ten years ago, I would have thought this transformation was impossible.
This is the power of acting from a place of desire rather than lack, compassion rather than criticism, and honoring your nervous system rather than forcing it.
As we enter 2025, here are a few questions to reflect on:
What do you truly want, and why do you want it?
Where do you feel that desire in your body? Is it genuine, or does it come from a sense of obligation or “should”?
What fun and joyful steps can you take in 2025 to bring more of this desire into your life?
What is your intention for the new year? I encourage you to create a plan that is concrete, easy, and sustainable—one that keeps your nervous system calm. If your plan feels overwhelming, fight-or-flight may take over, leading to burnout. On the other hand, if it feels too daunting, a freeze response might prevent you from starting at all.
Even if your goal feels “small,” try it out as an experiment. The worst that can happen is you don’t follow through—something we’ve all experienced, but the best that can happen is real, joyful change.
If you’ve set an intention for 2025 and created a sustainable, fun plan, I’d love to hear about it. Share your story and I’m looking forward to being inspired by your desire.
If you would like to explore the practice of maitrī, or loving-kindness, as a tool to foster compassion and empathy towards yourself check out my newest self-study course.
Pictures of the 5 Śiva Temples in the Himalayas known as the Panca (5) Kedars (Name of Śiva)
Returning from three weeks in India is always difficult to put into words, and this yātrā I had the privilege of trekking to extremely remote Śiva temples in the Himalayas at high elevations with my beloved teacher, Saundaryāmbikā, and saṅgha. The Panca Kedars are 5 Śiva temples associated with the Pandavas from the Mahabharata. The Pandavas are 5 brothers who go to Śiva after they won the war against their cousins to ask for forgiveness for killing their family members. Śiva doesn’t want to see them and hides as a bull in a field. When one of the brothers recognizes him Śiva vanishes and his body parts are distributed into these remote temples. To travel to these sacred places, touch the ground where so many people have come before and feel the energy of these powerful places is transformative, unforgettable and truly life-changing. Here is just a small glimpse into an experience that is beyond language.
As char dham finished Kedarnath opened the portal to knowing Śiva more intimately.
The chaos of horses and steep steps, tea shops and altitude sickness brought us to his hump in Kedarnath. With Nandi looking on with sweet and unwavering devotion we walked into the inner sanctum and placed our heads down into the ground of being as awareness.
From the ground Śiva took us to the spacious beauty and transcendence of Kalpeshwar. We drove through countless waterfalls seeing his hair cascading down the mountains preparing us for the journey of getting lost in the ecstasy of his locks.
The steep and intense tapas of climbing over the pass to get a glimpse of his face at Rudranath on Vijayadaśamī will forever be in these bones. Meeting his wolf eyes glowing with fierce intensity, childlike awe and contagious laughter are etched in my heart.
Amma sprinkles our heads with water and blesses us. I throw myself at her feet with uncontainable gratitude, joy and love. I look back and thank Śiva for bringing me to Amma and Amma for bringing me to Him.
The electricity of Tunganath with his heart, chest and arms penetrated my right and then left side with heat. As I brought my head down to rest in the cool water lightning bolted through my being.
Listening to the hum of Madhu Ganga brought sweetness and irresistible beauty as we climbed towards his navel at Madhamaheshwar. Feeling the energy of earth coming up and down through me I connected to the energy of earth, sky and the reality that I am everything and nothing all at once. The mountains see me, I see them and we collapse into one. Śiva puts us through fire and ice to test our endurance and resilience, and He welcomes us quietly into his loving embrace.
This is last of the series on the 4 Pillars of Seed Yoga Therapy, and today we will focus on the fourth pillar: practicing mindfulness and meditation.
Both mindfulness and meditation work with steadying the mind, but when the nervous system is honored, a discipline is cultivated and the breath and body are attuned to the mind naturally begins to stabilize without needing to “do” anything specific with the mind. In this process meditation becomes even more effective.
When we fight the mind to change the mind it can become a state of near constant internal battle. For example, if the nervous systems is in a fear state, but the mind is trying to convince ourselves there is nothing to be afraid this leads to a conflict. We can’t convince ourselves we are safe if the nervous system and/or body feel threatened because the nervous system and body will always will that battle. It can be powerful to work with the nervous system and body first because not only will this shift the bodily experience, but also can shift the mental/emotional experience because they are connected.
What is the difference between the mindfulness and meditation?
Mindfulness can be done anywhere and anytime. Pause and notice what you see, hear, feel, taste or smell right now by becoming mindful of your surroundings through the senses.
Meditation is a formal practice setting aside time to be in practice with the mind intentionally. There are countless forms of meditation, and sticking with one can bring powerful results. Finding a meditation that works for you is in itself a process. If you find awareness-based meditations (body scan or breath awareness) useful that can be your meditation. Lovingkindness is another form of meditation that can be useful for a judging or critical mind in order to foster compassion. Yoga Nidra is a powerful meditation that can calm the nervous system and has been effectively utilized in the treatment of trauma.
Typically the mind is pulled into the past or future and is rarely fully present. Stop and notice what you are thinking about even as you read this. Are you internalizing the words or thinking about what meditation you like, how you can or can’t meditate or about a conversation you had last week? By training the mind to come back to an anchor (i.e. breath, mantra, body sensations, etc.) it helps the mind step out of the constant push and pull of past and future into the presence of this moment.
Being present doesn’t mean we don’t plan for the future nor forget about our past. Meditation can support doing those things intentionally rather than being at the whim of the mind. Practicing mindfulness can support being more present to our needs, wants and relationships in order to care for ourselves and those we love even more. Working with mind along with our bodies, nervous systems, breath and physiology is a powerful way to rewire the whole system so that it is vibrant, attuned, aware and able to honor and integrate the varied experiences we go through in our lives.
If you are new to meditation my suggestion is to pick one meditation and try it for the next 30 days. See what you learn about yourself and your mind.
If you have applied these pillars into your life I’d love to hear what you are observing. How has your life been impacted? Your ability to honor and understand your nervous system? Your relationship with your body? Your mind? Your relationships?
If you have read or watched the 4 videos on the pillars of Seed Yoga Therapy and are curious how to apply them to your unique life experiences, but need some additional support sign up for a free 20 minute consultation. In our consultation you can tell me about your current struggles, what you are longing for and I can share you how yoga therapy may be an ideal next step in your healing journey.
Welcome to the next vlog on the Four Pillars of Seed Yoga Therapy, where we will explore the third pillar: Attuning to the Body and Breath.
The first pillar is honoring the nervous system where we learn how our unique nervous system is wired, understand the inherent wisdom in it and how to work directly with the nervous system.
The second pillar is cultivating discipline, which can stabilize the nervous system with predictability and routine. This supports a regulated nervous system as well as promoting a balanced physiology that aligns with the natural rhythms of the body.
To understand how to attune to the body and breath first we have to know that everything happens in the body: thoughts, emotions, sensations, energy, and breath. Nothing is removed from the body making it imperative to work directly with the body when looking to shift patterns related to trauma, depression, anxiety or addictions. All of these “mental health” challenges also happen within the body. Even when we are dissociated or not “in our bodies” that too happens in the body. Numbing is a bodily experience just as much as the heart racing or heat arising from a panic attack or the heaviness or sensation of walking through concrete that can come from grief.
As a mental health therapist my clinical training focused on using talking, analysis, and cognitive understanding to impact change in mental health challenges. This can be helpful because in that relationship we can be seen, heard and witnessed in our struggles, and this is never to be underestimated. Yet talking can also keep us in the intellect and analysis of the challenge rather than working directly with how the body, nervous system and energy is impacted. Working more upstream from the mind can be a more direct way to work these the challenges. My teacher, Saundaryāmbikā, explains how these things happen in the body first through chemicals, hormones and neurohormonal pathways and later the mind puts labels on them such as, scared or angry angry. A key ingredient in yoga therapy is to get under the labels to the direct experience of the body.
Just as there are infinite ways to work with the nervous system and create a discipline or routine there are also countless ways to work with the body and breath. Each person’s body and energy needs to be addressed in their unique ways. For some people working with the body is building tolerance to begin to feel. For others it is soothing the body so the sensations aren’t overwhelming. For some a breath practice is simply noticing when they are holding their breath. For others it may be a practice of breathing with sensations as they arise.
Since my work as a yoga therapist is inherently in the body I work with each person individually to co-create the embodiment practices that will support them. I don’t come from a prescriptive approach where certain asanas (poses) are good for anxiety or breathing techniques are good for trauma because each person’s anxiety or trauma will be unique to them.
A useful first step to working with the body and breath is simple awareness. As my teacher says, awareness is everything. Doing a body scan or a breath awareness practice can support beginning to understand the relationship between the body, energy, mind, emotions and nervous system. If a moving practice feels more supportive a walking meditation can also be a way to start to connect with the body and breath.
If you try one of the practices I’d love to hear what you notice and let me know if you have any questions or anything you hope I cover in talks on my YouTube channel.
This is the second vlog in a series on 4 Pillars of Yoga Therapy, which is on Cultivating Discipline.
In the first pillar we focused on Honoring the Nervous System, and discipline is directly connected with the nervous system. There are many ways to work directly with the nervous system, and one of them is through creating stability in the body and mind through a routine.
As I have learned from my teacher, Saundaryāmbikā, when my lifestyle is chaotic that will create or maintain internal chaos. If I sleep at different times each day or eat at varied times my physiology and nervous system lives in a state of chaos.
When I can cultivate a discipline it can create a sense of stability and security for the body, mind and nervous system. Our nervous system likes structure and predictability, which can help to settle and keep it more regulated.
Trauma is unpredictable and chaotic, and if my lifestyle is also unpredictable and chaotic it can continually keep the system in a state of fight, flight and freeze, which can make trauma healing more challenging.
Everyone has some routines in their life. It might be brushing your teeth every morning and evening, walking your dog or having a standing date with a friend. These points of structure can be grounding and healing.
Take stock of your life where you already have structure and predictability. Look for even the small things that support a sense of routine in your life. Even if life feels out of control or unstructured there are still things you do every day and/or week that provide a sense of predictability and stability.
One of the best ways to create structure is to maintain a daily routine. When we go to sleep and wake up at the same time our physiology can begin to settle. When we eat at the same times our digestion, of our food as well as internal and external experiences, begins to become stronger and experiences, including traumas, don’t get as stuck in our system. Meditation or a daily movement practice can also be supportive disciplines that can be stabilizing to the body and mind.
As you reflect on where you have discipline and where you don’t can you think of one way you can bring more stability in your life as a practice of honoring the nervous system? As my teacher instructs when you add a new discipline into your life try it consistently for 3 months and notice what happens. Do you feel more content? Can you sleep more easily? Are your menstrual cycles less troublesome? After 3 months you can assess whether this is a routine you want to maintain or not, but give it at least that amount of time to see the effects.
If you want to learn more about lifestyle recommendations that can support your nervous system I highly recommend the Heart of Wellness book by Saundaryāmbikā, which will walk you through a structured process to establish a routine to support your physiology, mind, body, nervous system, energy and heart. For all new yoga therapy clients this book is included in your first package because I have found that when people can follow these lifestyle recommendations the processing of trauma, the shifting of depressive or anxious states or the ability to move whatever is stuck within the system can move with more ease and fluidity. Working on balancing the physiology with its natural rhythms helps everything else come into balance as well.
If you decide to add a new routine to your life let me know! I’d love to hear what you are working with and share what you discover after 3 months of consistent practice! See what you learn about yourself, your nervous system and your own healing journey by bringing in a simple routine into your life.
The foundation of Seed Yoga Therapy rest on 4 pillars. Pillar one is honoring the nervous system.
In this video learn about the brilliance of the nervous system, how to honor its wisdom and how to work with it so it doesn’t get stuck in fight, flight or freeze.
As a mental health therapist my training kept me primarily in the realm of the mind. I found people could understand where their suffering may came from, but it didn’t necessarily change their direct experience. In the work I do with my teachers and in my own healing I am learning that focusing more upstream can get closer to the roots of suffering. This include understanding that everything we do happens in the nervous system, which is wired to protect us at all costs. All the thoughts and behaviors I have, even if they don’t serve me anymore, are an effort to keep me alive. These same thoughts and behaviors have served me at some point even if they don’t anymore. When I honor the nervous system I can work with it instead of fighting it and I can see that none of it is personal. It is physiological, and ultimately we will never win in a fight against the nervous system.
Honoring the nervous system can:
Make our experiences less personal.
Give access to objectivity.
Use the body to support healing, instead of trying to think our way through a nervous system state.
Hold a broader understanding of the wisdom of our responses even if they aren’t comfortable.
Increase compassion towards ourselves and others.
How the nervous system work? The nervous system is vast and complicated, and this blog includes a bit of information as I understand it in hopes to support you in your own process.
First think of a time when you felt completely at ease. Can you describe the experience? What did you see? Hear? Smell? Taste? Feel?
The first line of defense when there is a threat is fight or flight. This is a brilliant response because if the nervous system believes it can outrun this threat or fight it off we will survive, but the nervous system doesn’t distinguish between a “real” or perceived threat.
The next line of defense is to freeze. This is the next best option if I’m unable fight or run away, as it floods the body with pain-reducing hormones and their is a possibility of the threat retreating when there is nothing to fight or chase after. Freezing is also a brilliant response to trauma.
Let’s explore an example.
If I have a conflict with co-worker I might get mad and blame them for not meeting my needs or I might experience anger and blame towards myself for not being a good colleague. This can be an internal or an external fight response.
Or I might walk away from the conversation, go to a coffee shop to buy a cookie. This is a flight response.
Or I might be shut down, stop talking, go home and collapse on the couch in despair in a freeze response.
In any given moment all these responses may come to our aid, depending on the level of threat we perceive. Many people have one state we tend to default to more than others. None of these are bad or good, right or wrong. They are simply ways we are wired and conditioned to respond to threats.
Knowing you are in a fight, flight or freeze response can be useful because you can take care of that response, but first we need to know what care your unique nervous system needs.
When in a state of calm it may be useful to reflect on these different states. What helps you when you want to run away from something or someone? It is doing something physical? Talking to a trusted friend?
What helps when you want to fight? It is taking a break to be by yourself? Is it journaling?
What helps when you freeze? Is it cuddling with your pet? Is it making sure you are warm enough?
Reflect on ways you can support yourself when you go into these states and it is also useful pay attention to the fluctuations in the nervous system. These states are happening all the time, in big and small ways. In the time you spent reading this post did you notice any shifts in your system? By noticing the changes in your nervous system state you can:
Support those responses quicker because you will notice them sooner.
Observe when the nervous system is calm and easeful, which many times is ignored because there is nothing screaming to get attention.
Begin to become friends with your nervous system instead of being at war with it.
Included in the video above is a practice to support you access the safe, peaceful and easeful part of your nervous system. Enjoy!
Today, the first day of my 45th year, feels like the perfect day to share my new name with my larger community. I now am going by Saumyā [s-aw-m-y -ah], which feels like a birth day as well!
One of the countless things I learned from my yoga therapy teacher, Molly Lannon Kenny, is the beauty of gratitude. In honor of having the privilege to be on this earth for 45 years and the opportunity to live into this new name here are 45 things I am thankful for:
The breath
My guru
The body
All my practices (physical, mental, emotional, energetic and spiritual) that support knowing myself more authentically every day
The resources I have that provide shelter, food and fun
Curiosity
Wonder
Inchworms
My health
Travel
All the challenges I’ve experienced in life that have encouraged growth, resilience, refinement and a deeper understanding of myself
My internal organs working hard without me even paying attention
Trekking
The mind
Poetry
Seward Park
Incense
Ponytail holders
Tea kettle
Cooking
Writing
A gratitude list can be a great practice to do on particular days of the year, but it can also be a wonderful practice every day. Enjoy this embodied gratitude meditation as my birthday gift to you.
Yesterday I was grateful to be in the woods on my birthday enjoying the sounds, sensations, tastes, smells and sights of the world through the trees, waterfalls, birds, bugs, butterflies, dal and beloved companionship.
Did you know Seed Yoga Therapy has a YouTube channel with guided meditations? Subscribe to make sure you receive each new monthly meditation or video sharing on some aspect of Yoga Therapy, mental health and resilience! As a bonus I will also be giving away one free individualized Yoga Nidrā practice in April as a thank you to everyone who subscribes! A tailored Yoga Nidrā practice can focus on physical challenges such as chronic pain, injury recovery or fibromyalgia. It can address emotional challenges such as insomnia, trauma, anxiety, depression or learning to love the body you live in. A Yoga Nidrā practice can also be useful during transitions like changing jobs, moving, or starting a business so you can align with your highest intentions for this next journey. In order to enter, subscribe to my channel here and fill out this form. I’ll announce the winner on April 17, 2024!
The moment I experienced Yoga Nidrā with one of my first yoga teachers, Stephane Sisson, I was in love. She led us through a powerful meditation during śavāsana, corpse pose, at the end of class and I felt like I was transported to another place and time. The relaxation and ease I felt when I emerged from the meditation was nothing like I had ever experienced.
Yoga is the Sanskrit word for union or yoke. I think of Yoga as a means of coming home to ourselves to the place of wholeness and divinity that is our essence. That essence is always there, however it can be covered by the experiences we have in life, pleasant and unpleasant, that make us forget that we are unbroken, undamaged and absolutely perfect.
Nidrā is the Sanskrit word for sleep. The Māṇḍūkyopaniṣad describes 4 states of consciousness: waking, dreaming, deep sleep and turiya. Turiya isn’t really a state of consciousness but an all encompassing experience of awareness that envelops and pervades the other states.
In the Bhagavad Gītā, one of the core texts on Yoga, Kṛṣṇa tells Arjuna in Chapter 2, Verse 69: What all beings consider as day is the night of ignorance for the wise, and what all creatures see as night is the day for the introspective sage.
What I have learned about these states of consciousness from my teacher, Dr. Kavitha Chinnaiyan, has radically changed the way I look at my mind. In her teachings on the Bhagavad Gītā she explains that most people are dreaming the majority of the time and are rarely truly “awake.”
I found this to be true in my own experience. When I am going about my day, if I pause and check in I am typically not present to what is in front of me. I am walking, but thinking about the errand I have to do later. I am eating and replaying a conversation I had yesterday. Dreaming is another way to see how I am not awake to each moment. Similar to my dreams at night I am living in a fantasy of what might happen if I say this or how that conversation could have gone if I had done that. The majority of my “waking” life is actually spent dreaming.
The wise Kṛṣṇa describes in the 69th verse considers the day as the night of ignorance. If most of my “waking” life is actually spent dreaming I am not present to the life I am living, which means I am ignorant of what is happening!
Deep sleep, on the other hand, is when everything comes to rest. Our thoughts, personalities, the fears and dreams we have all fade into nothingness. If you can catch it there is a moment right after you wake up from a deep sleep where you might not be aware of the sense of identity because it hasn’t come fully back online yet as you emerge from the deep sleep state.
Kṛṣṇa continues, saying what all creatures see as night is day for the introspective sage. Deep sleep is a complete absorption within yourself. The majority of us do not have a memory of being in deep sleep because memory doesn’t exist there. It is this unconscious, yet usually very restful experience. According to Kṛṣṇa these sages can experience this absorption while awake. So the “night” of being unconscious in deep sleep is the sage’s “day” of being completely awake and present to their direct experience.
Yoga Nidrā is an ancient meditation that supports psychological, physical and spiritual healing by training the mind to become awake to the present moment through a systematic approach to the states of consciousness. We use these different states of consciousness to work with the physical body, mind, subtle body, breath, heart and awareness itself in order to reconnect and return to our fundamental sense of wholeness. This is the big picture approach to Yoga Nidrā: to become the wise sage who is absolutely awake!
However there are many doorways into this powerful practice if becoming a sage isn’t on your list of life goals!
For some people it can be a source of sleep support. If you have insomnia, Yoga Nidrā may help. One of the common challenges of insomnia is actually a dream challenge if we look at it from the states of consciousness. For some people they have difficulty getting to sleep and deep sleep because of the consistent “dreams” of the what if stories (i.e. what if this happens tomorrow? What will happen if I say this?).
If you have experienced trauma, Yoga Nidrā can be supportive for your nervous system as it can activate the ventral vagal response that is associated with the parasympathetic part of the nervous system supporting rest and digestion. Trauma can impact the body’s ability to deeply rest because of hyper vigilance and increased levels of cortisol, which can also impact the body’s ability to digest sufficiently. The practice incorporates mindfulness and breathing practices that can help settle the system.
Yoga Nidrā can also establish an embodied sense of safety and well-being, which can support resilience in the face of inevitable challenges.
Once a sense of ease, groundedness, security or love is established (there are countless words to describe this state and these might not be the right words for you) the practice can proceed into intentional dreaming where we invite different experiences or images in to process challenges or blocks we face.
Yoga Nidrā can also cultivate mindfulness as you practice watching your experience from the standpoint of awareness itself to observe the dreams of the mind. As you practice mindfulness in this relaxed state it can support you in “waking” life when you notice you have become lost in the dreams of past or future.
Yoga Nidrā has also been studied in decreasing stress, anxiety, pain, hypertension, insomnia, migraines, sympathetic arousal (fight or flight), guilt, hyperactivity, inattentiveness, muscle tension, and increasing reaction and anticipation time in athletes and hormonal balance in people experiencing menstrual irregularities. You can read more about the research studies here.
Are you ready to try it? Here are a few guidelines to prepare you for the guided practice at the end of this blog.
The first aspect to explore is what one of my Yoga Nidrā teachers, Dr. Richard Miller, calls the inner resource. This can be a person, place or being where you feel safe, whole, supported or seen. It can be a person who you are close with or someone who inspires you but you don’t know personally. It can be a place in nature, your kitchen or an imaginary place you create. It can be an animal you love or a spiritual figure. Once you determine who or what your inner resource is tune into the embodied experience of being in this place or with this being. Does it feel relaxing? Soothing? Warm? Where do those sensations live? Is it a full body experience? A softening of your belly? A smile? A quieting of the mind?
Next contemplate a saṅkalpa, or intention. What do you hope for in this practice? To rest soundly through the night? To love and accept yourself? To feel at peace within yourself? Once you have a saṅkalpa put it in simple clear words as if it is already true. Instead of, “I will rest soundly,” say, “I rest soundly.” If you have a negative saṅkalpa (i.e. I don’t feel anxiety anymore) try naming what you want to feel instead (i.e. I am calm, grounded and can allow my emotions to move through me). You can have a different saṅkalpa every time you do a Yoga Nidrā practice or you can have the same intention for days, weeks, months or years.
Give yourself an hour for the practice and an additional 15 minutes for journaling or drawing to integrate the wisdom your body/mind/heart may share with you. You can listen to my newest Yoga Nidrā here or there are shorter versions here.
In order to enter the current giveaway for a free individualized sesssion, subscribe to my channel here and fill out this form. I’ll announce the winner on April 17, 2024!
In Befriending Your Brilliant Body Part 1 I shared how the body is the gateway to everything we experience in our lives: physically, emotionally, mentally, energetically, relationally and spiritually. I also shared some practices to become or return to a state of friendliness with the body.
In Befriending Your Brilliant Body Part 2 we will go a little deeper, especially for those who have embodiment practices, are physically active, feel connected to their bodies or are kinesthetic learners. As I fall into all of these categories I find that learning to befriend and fully inhabit the body is a lifelong journey.
If you are a mover why did you start a physical practice (whether it is yoga, running, swimming, tennis, etc.)? For myself I wanted something. I had insomnia and I thought yoga might help me sleep. Lucky for me it worked, and I became more and more dedicated to the practice through the years because I found it kept giving me what I wanted. I felt stronger, more capable, aware of my body and mind, and it was fun! Through feeling stronger in my body I took up running, which led to 5Ks, 10Ks, ½ marathons, a marathon and triathlons. I liked challenging my body and mind and enjoyed having a goal that I was striving for. Yet as I reflect on my experience with physical movement sometimes I was befriending the body and a lot of times I wasn’t.
When I first came to yoga there was a sense of innocence and curiosity. I had no idea what I was doing nor was I in a place to compare myself to anyone because I practiced by myself in my bedroom learning from a book. As I became more physically active and more engaged with active communities there creeped in a desire to manipulate the body. I strived for certain poses because I wanted my body to contort into shapes I thought were “advanced,” and I pushed myself to the point of injury. I lost some of the sheer awe of moving and being in my body to a place of trying to force it to an ascetic, pace or perceived ideal in comparison to other bodies.
Even though I could say I was “in my body” I wasn’t actually honoring the body. I have come full circle to only doing yoga by myself in my bedroom where there is no one else watching or no one to watch. Sometimes I lie on my mat and simply feel my body. Sometimes I do movements. They might look like yoga āsanas but many times they don’t. The Sanskrit word for “seat” is āsana, and it refers to the different poses, or “seats,” we do in yoga. Currently, walking and hiking are more appealing than running, biking or swimming and allowing the body to go through these phases of wanting different kinds of movement can be a way to respect the body’s desires. If I was training for a race I “had” to run a certain amount of miles each week. I was listening to a training plan more than my body. Now I train for treks in the Himalayas, but there is a different quality to the training. I do have some mileage goals each week, but there is also a looser grip to the goals. If I start my cycle I take a break from strenuous activity to honor the work my body is doing to shed the uterine lining. If I have a lot of energy I go a little faster and enjoy the hills. If I am feeling lower energy I might choose a flatter or shorter route. This is not about competition anymore (even with myself), but more of an opportunity to honor the body, which can and does include challenging it! Competition isn’t bad or wrong. It can fuel excitement, fun and doing things that seemed impossible, and I experienced all of these in my physical pursuits. However, I also noticed a marked increase in manipulation of the body to look and act in ways it may not want or even be capable of.
A more subtle way to contemplate the body is around emotions, which also live in the body. Emotional words like happy, sad, angry and afraid are just labels, and we have certain sensations (and typically thoughts) that arise giving us information that a particular emotion is present. When I feel happy I know I am happy because I am smiling, my chest is open and my belly is soft. I know I am angry when my mouth tightens, my shoulders contract inward and my breath gets faster. When I am experiencing an emotion I don’t like I have difficulty allowing that emotion and I try to control, fix or change it. The same way I have manipulated my body in running and yoga I also do in my emotional states. When I experience fear I try to soothe myself so I don’t feel it anymore, I rationalize there is nothing to be afraid of or I blame someone else and get angry (which can feel safer than being afraid). What I am learning with my teacher, Dr. Kavitha Chinnaiyan, in The Renegade Method is a radically empowering way to allow things to unfold in the body instead of trying to control them. What emotion are you noticing right now as you read this? We are typically feeling something, but it may be quiet. See if you can identify the word(s) you use to name that emotional state. Peaceful? Nervous? Lethargic? Disappointed? Joyful? Pissed off? Need more suggestions? Check out this emotions and sensations chart to help you identify the emotion and/or sensation in the body. Once you have named the emotion, see if you can determine what your body is saying. How do you know that emotion is present? If you say because of the thoughts can you bring curiosity to see if you can FEEL the experience of those thoughts? What do thoughts of anger FEEL like in your body and how do they differ from shameful or hopeful thoughts?
If you have identified the sensations of an emotion can you drop the stories about the emotions (i.e. this is a good emotion and should stay or this is a terrible emotion and I should figure out how to get rid of it, etc.) and describe the sensations? Do you feel tightness in your chest? Tingling in your stomach? Lightness in your shoulders? Tears welling up behind your eyes? Soft and relaxed belly? Instead of trying to control or manipulate the sensations can you allow them to be for a few moments? What happens when you allow the wave of sensations to move through the body? What happens when you try to control the waves?
Photo from Unsplash
Emotions can be looked at as waves that come and go. Sometimes they are big tsunamis and other times they are gently lapping. No matter what kind of wave I want from the ocean, the ocean will continue to create waves in relation to the wind, tides and underwater phenomena that are impacting the water. We are our own ocean where different information that comes into our senses will cause different kinds of waves. If we can learn how to ride the waves as they come and go we can move through them with a little more ease.
Finally, pausing is such a powerful tool for returning to the body. I find the mind is often moving at a much faster pace than the body and the mind can leave the body behind. Many times my mind is thinking about something 5 minutes, 5 hours, 5 days or 5 years from the moment I am in, which makes it hard to be present to the body. A practice my teacher gave me years ago is to pause in transitions. When I finish my meal I take five breaths to return to the present moment where the body lives. I feel the chair underneath me, my feet on the floor, the satiation in my belly and my breath moving in and out. I do this when I finish with a client or come home from an errand. Any and every transition can be a reminder to return home to the body and to the present moment. I have found this practice to be incredibly impactful and a transformative tool for slowing down my mind, being connected to my body more often, listening to what my body is telling me and being able to do more of what I want in my life because I move into the next activity with intention rather than an all too familiar state of rushing, lack presence and multi-tasking.
In summary, here are some additional practices to explore in continuing the lifelong adventure of befriending the brilliant body:
Innocence. Can you approach movement from a place of curiosity rather than an agenda of what your body should or shouldn’t do? Meet each practice fresh because your body is different every day.
Let the body lead. How would you move if your mind directed? How would you move if your body directed? Can the mind take a break to allow the body to lead?
Emotions are sensations. When you are having an emotion can you get under the label to understand the bodily sensations?
Ride the wave. Once you identify the sensations of an emotion can you allow the emotion to run its course without trying to change it? Here is a guided meditation on riding the waves of emotions. If the emotions become overwhelming some of the practice in Befriending the Brilliant Body Part 1 can be helpful.
Pause. Whenever you finish something (i.e. a meeting, an email, taking a shower, cleaning the kitchen, watching a show, etc.) pause for 5 breaths. Notice how your breath feels moving in and out of the body. Become aware of the sensations in your body. Notice what your mind is doing. Step back and observe the thoughts and emotions present. After 5 breaths, move with intention to your next activity.
These are just a few ways I explore befriending the body. How do you befriend your body? How has your befriending journey changed through the years? I’d love to be inspired by your own body kindness practices as we are all learning together!
I recently came home from a yātrā, or pilgrimage, that started over a year ago to Char Dham. Char means 4 and dham means religious destination in Hindi. These four places of spiritual significance located at high altitudes in the Himalayas are Yamunōtrī, where the river Yamunā begins, Gaṅgōtrī, where the Ganges begins, Kedāranāth, a powerful Śiva temple, and Badrināth, a beautiful Viṣṇu temple. It is said that one attains liberation if they make it to all the dhams.
We began this year’s yātrā with a 32k trek to Kedāranāth, which was a strenuous and crowded hike with many yātrīs, horses, tea shops and the sounds of people chanting “Hari Hari Mahadev” and horse porters telling us to move to the side so we wouldn’t get trampled by horses carrying people, siding or rebar up the mountain.
In comparison to last year’s trek to Gomukh, which was quiet and spacious, this trek was loud, chaotic, busy and intense.
The trek started early in the morning and we walked joyfully for many kilometers. We crossed the Mandākinī River and the trail became steeper. Our guides told us it would be steep for the next 5 kilometers. We slowed down, but kept going one step at a time.
As we saw people coming down there was an urge to ask, “how much longer?” “Are we there yet?” “When will it get easier?”
I often tell my teacher, Dr. Kavitha Chinnaiyan, “I’m not there yet,” when she shares a teaching with me. I’m not beyond jealousy, rage or comparing myself to others. I haven’t transmuted wanting to be special and validated. I struggle to discern between my conditioning as a woman, American, white person and who I am authentically beyond all of those social and cultural identities that have shaped me. When I get stuck in these traps of Māyā, or delusion, I often want to ask when will this end? When will I arrive at some place where I can know the Truth of who I am? How much longer will it be until I can rest at some mountain peak where the hard work is over and I can reap the benefits of having “made it?”
My teacher has to remind me often when I am stuck in trying to get somewhere, “the journey is from here to here.” There is no final destination where the work is done or there are no more hills to climb (physically, psychologically, emotionally or spiritually). The journey is this moment, this step, this breath. Nothing more and nothing less. It is helpful to have a goal, like finishing the Char Dham, but in some ways that is irrelevant. I can set my intention to climb to the top of Kedāranāth, but if that is my only fixation I will miss out on so many opportunities for growth, insight and beauty on the way.
When I encounter people who have been where I want to go, like making it to the top of Kedāranāth or someone knowing their true sense of power, there is a longing to know that experience firsthand. There is an unknown experience I am longing for. In that longing though I leave the direct experience in hopes for something better. The truth is I don’t need to go to Kedāranāth to know Śiva. I don’t need to emulate anyone else to know freedom. Śiva is right here, right now and when I am truly authentic I am free.
I am learning in The Renegade Method™ that the mind pulls me into the past and future. How much longer? When will this end? How far have I already gone? Is it worth it? Should I turn back? Why am I doing this anyway? The body is present. Even when there is pain, altitude sickness, nausea and bone tiredness when I am present to the body it just is. There is nowhere to get to, nowhere to go. It is when the mind kicks in to try to manipulate the experience that I leave the presence of the body. The mind begins to fight with the direct experience instead of simply allowing it. Climbing a mountain in chaotic conditions at almost 12,000 feet of elevation is hard work, but when I fight that difficulty by wanting to just get it over with I miss the opportunity to be with it.
When we got to the top and I saw the snow capped Himalayan range and the temple everything that came before melted away. I was exhausted but ecstatic. There was a sense of completion and a settling in my body. I was also grateful to be guided to a bed where I could lie down and take a nap!
The trek reminded me that there are times I just want to get through things, whether it is grief, depression, trauma or a difficult physical endeavor. When I push to get through something I miss the opportunity to learn about the process. What can I learn about myself through doing something physically taxing? I can learn to stay present with my body instead of letting my mind run off into stories. I can learn to listen to my body, whether through giving it rest and nourishment or continuing to move forward one step at a time. What can I learn about myself by going through an emotional trek? I can learn about the beauty of grief because grief only happens when there is love. I can learn about staying with myself and caring for myself through a trauma instead of abandoning myself because I just want to get over it. I can learn to ask for help when depression arises because I can’t do everything on my own.
In reality, we are all trekking our own mountains every day. Some of us are on some steep inclines. Others are on the smooth and steady descent. Some just reached the ecstatic peak. If we are only craving those peak summit experiences how much do we miss of the journey?
The next time I want to know how much longer something will take I will remember my teacher’s words again and again. The journey is from here to here. I will remind myself to come back to my body and this present moment to see what I can learn about myself in this moment. I will ask myself what I am avoiding by wanting to get somewhere else? In that avoiding what I am missing out in learning about myself right now? Can I allow and enjoy the direct experience rather than the imaginary one I am hoping for in the future? What if instead of asking when am I going to get somewhere I can ask what can I learn and extract from this moment itself?
